Stress free dinner zone

Every mother has those days when dinner is a nail biter. What to prepare?  Trying to prepare a stress free dinner zone is attainable. There’s nothing more frustrating than getting hungry kids from school and not knowing what you’re preparing for dinner. It’s very possible to have delicious, healthy meals prepared in minutes if you’re organized.

Getting organized and prepping dinner for the week is a sure way to avoid dinner woes. Plan meals one week ahead and after purveying your pantry, purchase items needed for dinner during the week. This is also a great way to include your family in the planning process. Let your kids choose a meal they would love to have during the week.  Pre planning eliminates the stress of the week and makes a smooth dinner experience.

For the mum who might be challenged in preparing a weekly menu, Rachael Ray has a great guide. She has a weekly menu and a shopping list that makes life a little easier for busy mums. Food Network Quick-Fix Meals has a weekly menu and shopping list also. You don’t need to follow these menus completely; use them as a base and/or guide and develop a menu your family would enjoy.

Feel free to include take out and prepared foods in your weekly menu. The idea is to know what will be served when. Be careful, though; check sodium levels on pre packaged meals. Also, if take out is a must, try to minimize to 1 or 2 days per week. You and your family would enjoy a more relaxed dinner when you’re organized. Bon appetit!

Tips for a stress free road trip

No matter the age group enjoying a road trip with your children is very possible. Traveling long distances takes a toll on younger children and can be aggravating for older ones. Also, traveling with children of varied ages can, at times, be very challenging. To avoid a stressful trip try engaging teens and be equipped to entertain younger ones.

Tips for a stress free road trip:

• Start your trip with a prayer

• Pack snacks for each child. Fruits, vegetables, cereal, crackers. I recommend healthy snacks that are not loaded with sugar. Sugar can make children hyperactive and irritable

• Pack a few small toys and travel friendly games and books  for younger children

• Travel with movies/games for viewing on a portable DVD and/or laptop (don’t forget headphones)

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  Plan and map out trip and find parks and other places of interest along your route so you can stop periodically for rest breaks.
  
  
  

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  Get creative with games that allow you to engage with your children. Sing along and call and response games can be fun for the entire family
  
  
  

• Play music your older children enjoy. Take turns listening to music from both generations. This is a great opportunity to introduce them to your world and you to theirs. Talk about their interests.

• Include your older children in the trip planning exercise and ask them what they may like to do and stops they may enjoy.

These are a few travel tips for you to consider.  Travel safely and enjoy the journey! 

Too much pressure

Every mum is not able to organize her day and activities as she would like to. There’s laundry to be done, kids to take to activities, dinner to prepare, floors to be mopped, toys to arrange, work outside the home and hubby to entertain. Stop! You don’t need to do it all in one day. Mothers put way too much pressure on themselves to get it all done. Foregoing a couple chores will not undermine your role as a mother. Everything will get done…it always does! Try getting it done with your sanity intact. Pace yourself and if possible, solicit help. For those who can afford it, hire a house-keeper or cleaning service; for others, tap your family resource!

This may be challenging for some, however try getting your husband involved. He may not do it the way you may want it done…but at least it’s done! You need the help and need to ask for it. Get your kiddies involved and let them know you need them.  Assign tasks and have them report to you upon completion. Giving an incentive may get the job done quickly.

Including the entire family in some of your tasks can be fun. Who knows, it might become a weekly routine. Allow your family to help you, and reap the rewards. Your husband will feel needed, your kids will feel confident (mum entrusted me with a task) and you will have time to complete the book you started 5 months ago! Keep in mind that there’s no award for ‘Super-mum’ but there’s definitely a reward for a balanced one.

Date night on a budget

Tough economic times does not mean sacrificing alone time with your mate. It is very possible to have a date night on a budget. Spending time alone with your loved one is a smart way to bond. The financial storm that some couples are experiencing can take a toll on relationships. Checking in with your husband and making him feel special, if only for a few hours can help you both rekindle the flame that might have been extinguished between kids, friends, work, chores and more work.

If you’re uncomfortable planning alone time (because it’s not something that you do) consider it a practice run for ‘V’ Day. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and go for it! Feed the kids a quick dinner, drop them off at a family member or friend, and try one of the following tips.

• Prepare a romantic setting with candles and eat dinner together. After dinner go for a walk while holding hands.

• Skip dinner, light some candles and have a bottle of wine and a fruit and cheese platter waiting in the bathroom and prepare a bubble bath or a shower for two.

• Pop some popcorn, rent a movie (any movie) and enjoy some time without kid interruption.

• Have a couple board games set up and after dinner…..let the games begin!

These are just a few suggestions.  Get creative and have a little fun. Connect with your husband, be vulnerable with him and share your feelings.  Let him know how much you love and appreciate him and his dedication to your family. This is not the time to highlight flaws nor discuss finances. Take this time to reflect on how much you mean to each other. Make the most of your time together…remember, the kids are out the house.

When Disaster Strikes

The earthquake that struck Haiti this week was a very catastrophic occurrence.  When disaster strikes it can be traumatic for both parents and children. Children are very aware and look to their parents for guidance and reassurance.  Younger children may feel anxious and unsafe. Parents play a major role in helping their children cope with these tragedies and can mitigate the emotional impact they may be experiencing.

Children know when parents feel anxious. Explain how you feel and reassure your children that they are safe and that many governments and organizations like UNICEF and the United Nations work hard to ensure that children are safe. Technology brings disasters quicker to us and our children tend to be aware of news events. Don’t ignore the occurrence, instead, ask your children how they feel and discuss the event. Try to minimize excessive media coverage. Having the episode replay constantly is not healthy for anyone’s mental psyche and can bring on unwanted anxiety.

It can also be helpful to teach your little ones that they can help the children and parents in the disaster by praying for them. In the case of Haiti, you can involve your kids by having them pack clothes to deliver to a collection site. Look up organizations that are taking donations and have younger and older kids be involved in the process. This way they don’t feel helpless and are making a difference in the lives of those affected. Not only will your children feel better, but they would learn the importance of giving which is a very vital lesson. Gandhi said: "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Make a donation to help relief efforts in Haiti

Donate $5 by texting YELE to 501501 or at www.yele.org

Text the word HAITI to the number 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross or www.redcross.com

United Way

Bridging the gap

Siblings on the Playground

Bridging the gap between a teenager and his younger sibling can be a daunting task. Little tikes can be annoying to their older siblings. Most of which is attention seeking.

The battle between siblings is usually stressful on parents who have a desire for peace in their home. Instead, they hear shouts, screams and pandemonium throughout the house. At the end of it all, it’s usually the older sibling who bears the brunt of the blame, which can drive a wedge between parent and child.

Spending time with both siblings can help your children relate to each other.  During your time together, be respectful and encouraging to the older sibling. Recognize an accomplishment for a task he completed (homework, etc). Don’t chastise or belittle him/her in front of his little bother or sister. Use this time together as a teaching tool as you enjoy your children.  Once you empower the older sibling and gently explain your expectations of him as an older sibling change will occur. It’s also a great idea to spend time with each child individually. Children love positive attention from their parents and need your time. Be sure to schedule alone time with each child (a few minutes a day, if possible).

Teach your younger child to respect his older sibling’s belongings by example. For instance, don’t just grab the remote from a family member…ask. Don’t barge into your child’s room to get a pen or piece of paper…ask. Once respect is visible in the home, your little one will follow.  Schedule and/or encourage together time for the siblings.  Activities can be at home (board games, video games, imaginative play, backyard fun, etc) or in your neighborhood. Find activities in your neighborhood where both age groups can enjoy together. Some fun activities like playing in the park, hanging out at the pool, ice skating, bike riding, miniature golf, to name a few, can help your children relate to each other.

Siblings will disagree from time to time and it’s our job to help them respect each other and be agreeable most of the time. Enjoy your journey with them because they’ll be all grown up in the blink of an eye!

...did someone say Party?

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t’s a joy to be able to throw a fabulous party for our children. It’s quite natural that we desire the best for them. What we don’t need to do is place pressure on ourselves to throw parties that we can ill-afford.

I enjoyed throwing theme parties for my children over the years. We’ve had Mother Goose, Treasure hunt, Safari, Dress up Tea Party, Luau Pool Party, Lounging with friends, Teddy Bear picnic and many more… We become so caught up in the party planning, that we can lose sight of why we’re throwing the party in the first place. We have parties to celebrate milestones in our children’s lives and create memories... We bring family and friends together to help us celebrate and we do special things to make our children feel special because we love them. In the end, no matter how much we spend or how many guests we invite our children should be happy.

 Happiness should not depend on the size check we write for the party.  We must teach our children gratitude and understanding.  Another good lesson to teach is that the purpose of throwing a party is to bring friends together, not to receive presents. I’ve attend parties where in lieu of presents, we were asked to donate toys and books to charity. That is such a beautiful lesson for children. They learn at an early age the importance of giving to those less fortunate.

We need to show them that having friends and family come to celebrate their birthday shows how much they are loved and appreciated.  As parents, we may get a little carried away. We may become competitive and throw elaborate parties to reflect ourselves and not our children. Our emphasis should be placed on the fun our child will have and not on outspending a friend who threw a very elaborate party.

A few months ago I planned a simple party for my 5year old and he had the time of his life! I removed my ego from planning the event and spent under $400.00. The theme was “Happy Birthday-Back to Basics”. Balloons, hotdogs, popcorn, piñata, pin the tail on the donkey, etc. I decided to give him all the things and dishes he enjoy, even the candy! Simon and his guests tie dyed shirts for the craft. He even performed Michael Jackson’s ‘Smooth Criminal’ for his guests. A good time was had by all and more importantly, my son, Simon. Love and happiness is not determined by price but effort!

Teens and Chores

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hy are my teenagers not doing chores without being told? Perhaps because they’re tired or they don’t think they should have to! Many factors lead to their feelings of entitlement (housekeepers, landscapers, nannies). Our teens may think that because their parents have help that they don’t need to contribute. Teenagers (at least mine) will not take responsibility sharing chores at home unless they’re told. If your teens are similar to mine, try creating a schedule with them and see how it works!  

Most teenagers have packed daily schedules (school, homework, sports, music, etc). So when making the schedule, include them and be realistic about the results. Chores are not meant to be a punishment, it’s meant to foster responsibility (just like homework).  You may need to remind them daily, however, most importantly, the chores get done! Also, remember, praise goes a long way. Recognizing their accomplishments openly to them and expressing our pride helps to boost their confidence and will encourage them to fulfill their obligations. Be encouraging and be flexible. They may not complete the chore as perfectly as mum; but at least they’re completing it. Give them parameters, and allow them to do it their way. Try to avoid imposing yourself and trust that they’re doing their best. We want to raise responsible, confident and emotionally healthy young people.

Just for me...

Some mums escape to the spa, others….the bathroom down the hall (trying to hide from the kids). I would love the luxury of going to the spa weekly; unfortunately, neither money nor time allows it. Instead I opt for taking snippets of time throughout my day to relax. Whether it’s running or reading, yoga with my sis or closing my eyes at my desk for a few minutes; I take the time.  On Mondays, I escape to my women’s prayer circle and become recharged.  Since I’m a late sleeper, at night (when everyone’s asleep), I become renewed by being present with myself.

Mums love saying that they don’t have the time. If you cannot carve out time during the day, try awaking 30 minutes before the kids and spend some time with you! Use this time for you only!  I think I’m a better mum when I’ve allowed myself to relax, recharge, and renew.  I haven’t perfected the process since my ‘teenagers’ think I’m crazy at times. I like to think of myself as a work in progress.  However, if we don’t allow ourselves time, how can we conquer the mountainous task of motherhood? 

                                        

Find a hobby. Some mums take fun classes (stained glass, pottery, scrapbook, etc), join book clubs and sport teams for release.  Taking time through exercise is an inexpensive way to manage stress and reduce your risk for heart disease and stroke, so it’s important to incorporate it in your daily routine. Don’t feel guilty taking the time; instead, view it as giving your children the gift of your healthy and sane self.

Resources:

YMCA

Women’s Health Magazine

Time for my Girls!!!

“I’m sorry sweetheart, but you’ll have to ask daddy; I’m on my way out!”  There’s nothing quite like a car filled with estrogen!!!  The conversation is about spouses (look out if one got one of us angry), kids’ grades and activities, bosses breathing done one’s neck, friends who need to get it together, and so on. Nothing a cocktail can’t solve, right… wrong…..it’s not about the cocktail, it’s about bonding with like minds, girls like you whose experiences are parallel to yours.  Ladies don’t need cocktails to bond. We’ve bonded in the hair salon, the spa, at the playground and even the supermarket with women we don’t even know.  No matter whom you are or which continent you’re from, mums all have similar experiences regarding kids, spouses, jobs, etc. Well, except maybe Denmark, which, as reported in Forbes.com, is the happiest place on earth. However, I’m certain mums in Denmark spend time bonding also. Making time for friends is beautiful and rewarding and can be a de-stressor.

Make time to spend with your girlfriends. It doesn’t have to be a nightclub (which is great if all you want to do is go dancing).  I think bonding is more effective in a setting where you can listen to each other.  You and your friends can alternate hosting each other or take the opportunity to get dressed up and be in a different environment. Remember, it’s not the location as much as it’s taking the opportunity to listen, share, bond and enjoy each other’s company.  No more excuses. This is just as necessary as that basket of laundry at home and that proposal deadline at work. Don’t make it complicated, schedule it and have fun!

Ideas for hosting your girls:

Game night, Brunch, Afternoon Tea, Spa (doing each other’s nails), Happy Hour, Meditation or Prayer Circle, Book Club, Workout Session (book a private trainer & split the cost).
Get creative and have fun with it!

Unplug...

I look around the room and 1 teenager is on YouTube…the other… on Facebook. No one’s talking but both are connected. It’s a challenge to get kids to unplug! So instead of yelling like the ‘crazy’ mum they sometimes think I am, I carefully switch my MO (modus operandi) and tried the following tips:

• If you can’t beat them join them. I check out the sites with them and allow them to be my guide.

• Family dinner a couple nights a week at the table. This way you can have a conversation without distraction and catch up on what’s going on with school and friends.

• Spend a few minutes in her room talking about her interests. Music, modeling, boys, etc…..and try to ignore the pile of clothes in the corner of her room!

• Take him to the mall and let him show you ‘what’s hot’ in his world. You might even become the envy of other mums since you’re now aware of the cool new trends in ‘teenville’.

• This past weekend my husband took our reluctant teens to the Museum and made them unplug by leaving their phones in the car. They both found exhibits they enjoyed and engaged him in their new found interest.

• If your teen is texting or talking or web surfing late at night when you think he should be asleep…help him unplug by checking his phone and other gadgets in at an agreed upon time.

Resources:
Tips for Raising teens

My teens…unplugged!!!

I see you........and I hear you too!!!

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ur children are an extension of us. Positive parents raise positive children…..the reverse is also correct! At times parenting can be very overwhelming. We may tell our kids we don’t have time to play with them or read to them. We may say ‘we don’t feel like it’. During play we may exhibit non sportsman like behavior. All these occur under watchful eyes……our kids. When we get bad service or get one too many sales calls during dinner…..our kids are observing how we react. They are learning, so we need to be aware of how we respond to them as well as everyday occurrences. For most people, having children changes them. Some of us become better people because of our kids. We become more aware of whom we are and who we want them to become.

I have observed my son being very encouraging during play. He says to his opponent (who is sometimes me) ‘nice try, you almost got it, good job!’ Hearing him say those things gladden my heart because it means that he is hearing those words beckoned in his environment. Sadly enough, though I also hear unappreciative comments also. Well, this mom isn’t perfect. She’s a work in progress and sees plenty of room for improvement. We have to first acknowledge our shortcomings and accept them. Once we get that out of the way, we can now move on to being our better selves. 

We can’t always be with our children, but when we are make it meaningful and encouraging. We need to be aware of our attitudes and behavior towards others. Observe boundaries. Children are very observant and some behaviors are learned. We are our children’s first teachers. We get upset when our kids display certain actions. Take an honest self examination and see if the behavior displayed might come from you. We need emotionally healthy children so we must praise and encourage them. Spend time doing the things they like doing, no matter how silly it may seem. My 5 year old enjoys performing and at times I am an unwilling participant. I think he senses it also. However, I check myself quickly and give him a time limit to perform as I encourage and praise is efforts. He always leaves with a big smile and his chest out. I guess for him it’s not easy being the youngest but it sure feels great when he’s acknowledged and praised.