Sex after Motherhood



Lover's Silhouhette

Photo Credit: Dandy Man

Before kids, most couples couldn't keep their hands off each other. Sex occured often. Then came the beautiful kids and husbands are left unsure of an appropriate approach. The breasts he once caressed have become the baby's 'all you can eat' buffet. The sexy negligee became flannel and whatever she can grab to sleep in. The once designated date night has turned into PTA meetings and the late night 'sex-capade' is non existent. In the real world the average parents are over worked, physically exhausted, anxious and stressed. Sadly, sex has become an afterthought.

There are so many life interruptions that cause intimacy to be placed on hold. The little one wants to sleep with you. Mom can't get into it because the kids may hear. Mom does not feel sexy and does not have the desire. Trust issues in your relationship. The long list of 'things to do' is running through your mind and you are completely disconnected. Hormones running wild after birth, work schedule, fear of pregnancy and the list goes on. Whatever the interruption, it's best to be honest and deal with it directly. 

Sexual intimacy is necessary to a healthy relationship. It's important that couples connect and share intimate moments. Having children should not mark the end of intimacy with your husband. Explore your sexuality. Sex is natural and you should never be ashamed to find ways to rekindle the sex in your marriage. Most of us go through different phases of motherhood and sometimes we hit a dry spell. Try some of the following suggestions to get your 'mojo' back.

• Schedule time alone to talk and build connection
• Exercise. Endorphins heighten your sexuality
• Sexy lingerie makes you feel sexy. Get some
• Be affectionate. Kiss him often
• Get a sitter and schedule regular date nights
• If you have older kids, let them know a closed door means mom and dad time. Stay out!
• Go to bed early in preparation for pre-dawn love making. It's a great day starter. 
• Seek professional advise, if necessary.
• Pray for a healthy intimate relationship

The bible can be a source of help. Song of Solomon has beautiful imagery about the joys and heartaches of  wedded love. Read it. Develop a friendship with God.  Engage Him in an ongoing conversation and make Him the center of your relationship. A healthy, intimate relationship is the foundation of a strong family. Intimacy is built on love and trust. Bring balance into your life. Be trustworthy, be affectionate, be sexy, be prayerful and embrace your journey.

Trayvon Martin was my son

My 7 year old at the 'Justice for Trayvon Martin' Rally in Washington, DC

Every life is precious. When a child dies pain is evident and when a child dies at the hand of violence, pain runs rampant. Whether it’s at the hand of a thug, a drunk driver or an overzealous neighborhood watch captain, losing a child leaves a void. And when an absurd law allows the perpetrator to go free, the pain is amplified.  Trayvon Martin’s story brought me to tears. I’ve never lost a child, so I don’t know what Sybrina Fulton is going through. However, I feel connected to her and I can empathize with her.  

My 'Trayvon' doing home work in November 2011



As a mother of a 17 year old, hoodie loving son, this story hits close to home. Too close. Trayvon’s demise could have been my son’s story and that’s my reality. There’s never a moment when I’m not concerned about my son’s safety when he leaves home. My husband and I have had conversations with him. We tell him to be mindful, act responsibly and always be aware of his surroundings. Sadly, he understands that he can do everything right and because he’s a black young man in America, he could be a victim of racial profiling.  So when the call for action came to participate in a rally, I had to respond because Trayvon was my son.  I taught my children that they must act whenever injustice is present. This injustice required my action and those of my entire family.  

My 7 year old perched on his dad's shoulder

Participating in a rally and standing with others is good, but not nearly enough. So many of us are guilty of profiling and creating prejudices about those we encounter. How many of us look at others that don’t meet our 'standards' and refer to them as ‘ghetto’ or ‘hood’. How many of us judge young men who wear braids or deadlocks and even hoodies? How many of us look at someone who may be wearing an outfit that may not flatter them and we immediately judge them and talk about them with a negative tone? We are the change that we seek. That change must begin with each one of us.  Be aware of the laws that govern your State. Become an active participant in our democracy. Hold your lawmakers accountable and ensure that your views are being represented.  Vote. Teach your children empathy. Be aware and cautious but not prejudice and judgmental. We can make a difference.   

My teenage daughter and son listen intently to the message

So I pray not only for the family of Trayvon Martin, but also for the families of young black men who die at the hand of violence everyday because all life is precious. As we experience anger and hurt and seek justice for Trayvon, let us look inward and become the change we seek and stop racial profiling. Be responsible, be prayerful be empathetic and embrace your journey.

Teen Dating Violence Prevention Awareness

Many people think of school shootings when they think of teen violence. But teen violence includes many different activities. These include fights, gang violence, suicide and teen dating violence. February is National Teen Dating Violence Prevention Awareness month. Teens who commit acts of violence are more often than not involved in other risky and/or criminal activities. Make it your business to know who your kids hang out with and encourage healthy behavior and relationships.

1 in 3 adolescents in the US will be a victim of physical, emotional or sexual abuse from a dating partner. Nearly 80% of girls who have been physically abused in their intimate relationships continue to date their abuser. And two-thirds of teens who are in an abusive relationship never tell anyone about the abuse. It’s time to shine a light on this issue.

Get to know your teens’ friends. Encourage your teens to bring their friends to your home. Allow your teens to speak openly about their friendships. Listen don’t judge! Discuss the following warning signs of abuse with your teenage sons and daughters.

Ten Warning Signs of Abuse

While there are many warning signs of abuse, here are ten of the most common abusive behaviors:

• Checking your cell phone or email without permission
• Constantly putting you down
• Extreme jealousy or insecurity
• Explosive temper
• Isolating you from family or friends
• Making false accusations
• Mood swings
• Physically hurting you in any way
• Possessiveness
• Telling you what to do

Our teenagers have a right to safe and healthy relationships. As parents we should take the lead in raising awareness among teens and helping in the prevention of teen dating violence.

There are many ways that you can take part:

• Encourage legislators to introduce laws that require teen dating violence education in the classroom. Teens spend the majority of their time in school or at school-related activities and without laws in place to protect them, domestic and sexual violence among teens will continue to cause upheaval at home and at school.
• Know the laws http://www.breakthecycle.org/content/teen-dating-violence-state-law-report-cards.
• Take the time to educate yourself and others about teen dating violence.

We can make a difference. Be aware, be encouraging, be an advocate and embrace your journey.

Resources

Centers for Disease Control (CDC)

www.breakthecycle.org

www.loveisrespect.org

www.thesafespace.org

Love is...

Photo Credit: Sunil Kumar

February is the month that brings out the romance in most of us. Cupid shoots her arrow and inspires many to explore romantic deeds. So for those of you who are unsure how to ask for the love you want and need, share this post with the one you love!

Love is...placing the toilet seat down so that she doesn't fall into the toilet in the middle of the night when nature calls

Love is...filling her gas tank at night so that when she's running behind in the morning she doesn't have to stop to fill up

Love is...giving her the remote and telling her that you'll watch whatever channel she chooses

Love is...keeping the kids away from her for at least 30 minutes so that she can decompress when she gets in from work

Love is...looking at her and letting her know how beautiful she is even though she needs to get her hair done and eyebrow waxed

Love is...letting her sleep in and willingly take your kid to his or her 6:30am swim meet

Love is...going to a 'chick flick' and staying awake

Love is...preparing her a meal even if it's not from scratch and sitting at the table to dine with her

Love is...planning a date night

According to the 1955 American drama-romance film, "love is a many splendored thing" and knows no boundaries. It's patient and kind. Love should not be confined to one month or one day. Love is complete and is a process that should be expressed daily. Calling in the middle of the day to check in is something that you can do at least once a week. All it takes is practice. So let this Valentine's day be the start of a thoughtful process that can be replicated throughtout the year. Be patient, be thoughtful, be loving and embrace your journey.  Muah xoxo

Heart Disease: No. 1 Women's Health Threat

 Actress Elizabeth Banks at AHA's Go Red for Women Event

According to the Mayo Clinic heart disease is the No.1 threat of women's health. Heart disease is preventable and if managed, women can live longer healthier lives. Celeb moms like Elizabeth Banks (who participated this year in Go Red For Women National Wear Red Day at Macy's Herald Square on February 3, 2012 in New York City), Heidi Klum (who has teamed with Coca Cola) and others have raised awareness and placed the spotlight on heart health over the years.

Major corporations like Coa-Cola team with the National Heart Lung and Blood Institute (NHLBI) to promote heart health. "The campaign introduced by Coke and Heart Truth not only tells women about heart disease, but also equips them to take action against risk factors. The organizations provide visitors of the www.dietcoke.com/hearttruth section of the official Diet Coke website with useful tips on how to keep the heart healthy and information about what may cause the disease."

February is Heart Month and it's time for moms to make themselves a priority and live a healthy lifestyle. Give the gift of love to yourself and take care of your heart.

Here are tips you'll need  from NHLBI to live the heart healthy lifestyle you deserve:

• Don't smoke, and if you do, quit. Women who smoke are two to six times more likely to suffer a heart attack than non-smoking women. Smoking also boosts the risk of stroke and cancer.

• Aim for a healthy weight. It's important for a long, vigorous life. Overweight and obesity cause many preventable deaths.

• Get moving. Make a commitment to be more physically active. Aim for 30 minutes of moderate-intensity activity on most, preferably all, days of the week.

• Eat for heart health. Choose a diet low in saturated fat, trans fat, and cholesterol, and moderate in total fat. Eat plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains and fat-free or low-fat milk and milk products. Also include lean meats, poultry, fish, beans, and nuts in your diet.

• Know your numbers. Ask your doctor to check your blood pressure, cholesterol (total, HDL, LDL, triglycerides), and blood glucose. Work with your doctor to improve any numbers that are not normal.

  

This February, the Office on Women’s Health urges women to make the call to 9-1-1 immediately if they experience any one or more of the following symptoms:

• Chest pain, discomfort, pressure or squeezing
• Shortness of breath
• Nausea
• Light-headedness or sudden dizziness
• Unusual upper body pain or discomfort in one or both arms, back, shoulder, neck, jaw or upper part of the stomach
• Unusual fatigue
• Breaking out in a cold sweat

RESOURCES
NHLBI
Mayo Clinic
Go Red for Women

Reducing Cervical Cancer Inequities

Guest Post by Amelia 'Amy' MacIntyre, Health Research and Policy Analyst

Community Health Centers’ Role in Reducing Cervical Cancer Inequities

1.Which segments of the U.S. population are disproportionately affected by cervical cancer?

The uninsured, the underinsured and those living in underserved communities in which health care services are scarce.  These populations include women in rural areas, the elderly, those with less formal education, and women of color.  For example, the mortality rate for African-American and Vietnamese women continues to be twice as high as for white women – and about 50 percent higher for Latinas.  Meanwhile, in rural communities, uninsured white women have some of the poorest access to routine screening of any patient population.  Thus, cervical cancer incidence rates vividly demonstrate inequities in our health care systems and outcomes.

2. How do Health Resources and Services Administration (HRSA)-supported community health centers address this health disparity?

Community health centers provide preventive health services, including Pap tests and HPV vaccinations, to any female, regardless of insurance status and/or ability to pay. As such, health centers play a vital role in redressing health disparities and delivering care to groups excluded in the health care system such as immigrants.

Here are a few community health center benchmarks related to cervical cancer in 2010:

More than 11 million patients served were women and girls, or 6 out of every 10 patients. Of that population, 69% were women over 20 – comprising the largest single patient-category in the system.

• In addition to HPV vaccines, health centers administered Pap tests to about 1.8 million women, resulting in 120,167 abnormal cervical findings.
• Of the 9,592 attending physicians in health centers, almost 1 in 10 was an OB-GYN specialist, accounting for more than 3 million patient visits-or 9% of the 34 million visits to health centers annually.

To find a HRSA health center near you or to download the free health center app, click here.

3. How does the Affordable Care Act (ACA) aid in these community health centers’ efforts?

Under the Affordable Care Act, cervical cancer screenings are already covered with no cost sharing for new health plans.  Furthermore,

The Affordable Care Act created the Community Health Center fund which will provide $11 billion over a five-year period to assist in the expansion, improvement and creation of new health centers throughout the country.

• In September 2011, the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) made $700 million of these funds available to health centers: $600 million for current community health centers to expand operations and serve more patients and $100 million to help health centers address immediate needs.
• In August 2011, HHS awarded nearly $30 million to create the New Access Points program, which will help health centers delivery primary and preventive care to an additional 286,000 patients.

4. What does the future hold for increased access to cervical cancer preventive services, especially for the underserved populations that community health centers primarily serve?

Community health centers are poised to play a large role in increasing access to preventive and primary health care. Other provisions of the Affordable Care Act, including no-cost sharing for preventive services under private health insurance plans and non-discrimination protection for women with pre-existing conditions, also serve to bring down barriers to health care for women. Additionally, while greater research is needed, a recent study at the National Cancer Institute suggests that the HPV vaccine seemed to be about as effective whether women had 1, 2, or 3 doses; a development which may increase access to the HPV vaccine for women who seek it. 

With the nation spending over $1.4 billion a year on cervical cancer treatment, these basic preventive services not only provide crucial access to care to the most vulnerable of populations, but also serve to reduce health care costs overall by emphasizing prevention and reducing the need for costly disease treatment and emergency room costs.

Other Useful Links: To learn more about HPV in general, visit http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/hpv.html
HPV and Cancer: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Risk/HPV

New Year's Resolution

This New Year take the leap and resolve to dream big, work hard, be charitable, connect with others, live healthy and invite God's Presence in all that you do. This list sounds extensive, but if you're making a New Year's resolution, it needs to be. There are 351days left in this year. I suggest that you choose one of these to focus on each day.

The biggest problem with making resolutions, is trying to make it an annual plan. Stop making plans for the entire year. That sets you up for failure before you begin. Set daily goals that will be more attainable. When you achieve your daily goal, you will be encouraged to continue and by the end of January, you would have fulfilled month 1 of your resolution.

Here's a daily example that may work for busy moms:

Monday: Most challenging day of the week. Resolve to be charitable/kind to everyone you encounter.

Tuesday: Resolve to eat healthy whole foods. No junk food!

Wednesday: Set aside 30 minutes today for exercise.

Thursday: Unplug and be present with your spouse and children. Sit with them and listen to the events of their day.

Friday: The not-so-productive day. Resolve to stay focused and complete tasks assigned for the day.

Saturday: Spend some time dreaming and writing about what you would love to do. There's no time like the present to make your dream a reality. Start planning.

Sunday: Commit to worship, meditating and connecting with your Creator. Invite him into your space. Recognize His Presence and feel His peace.

New Year's resolutions should be taken in small doses. Don't go too grand. Making life changes is difficult and sometimes scary. Take your time but commit to one of the changes daily. Work-life balance is tough but attainable if you commit to it daily. Make a list of what you'd like to accomplish this year and try one aspect of it each day. Remember, each day starts anew. It doesn't matter what occured yesterday. Don't be discouraged. It may not go as planned the first few times you attempt it, however, stick with it and you will see great results.

Create a support network with friends and family. Support and encouragement of others create an environment for success. Weed out the naysayers and surround yourself with positive energy. 2012 is your year for great experiences. Take one day at a time and see your resolutions become reality. Be patient, be encouraged, be determined and embrace the victory that awaits you this year!!!